morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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