The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
