i need an iv and a liver transplant
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
