so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I will pee on everything he values.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
