1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
