Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
