Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
