Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
