I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
