I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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