Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
