dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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