You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
