...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
