i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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