dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
