WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
