I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I need a hoe opinion
go on
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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