Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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