I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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