What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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