Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
