i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
