WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
