dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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