he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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