I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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