You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
