I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
