i barfeds in our rink
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
