All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
