I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
