You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
