the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
