apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
