Where did you get a picture of my penis
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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