Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
