i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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