I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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