I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
it glows. i had to have it.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
