i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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