my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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