I hate your face
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
