Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
it glows. i had to have it.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
