There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
