i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
