Tell her she can't have a vagina
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
