Tell her she can't have a vagina
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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