Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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