Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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