I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
