There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
