The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
