her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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