I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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