And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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