sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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