Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
