i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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