One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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