Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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