I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
